Botched - Review by Joseph Wren

Director: Kit Ryan
Screenwriters: Derek Boyle, Eamon Friel, Raymond Friel
Running Time: 91 mins
Certificate: 15
Release Date: Out Now

Ivan the Terrible is on the loose and he's hunting down sad corporate media underlings with the aid of his bible-thumping twin sister in modern day Moscow! Well, it’s more interesting than the “jewel thief having a bad day” synopsis of Botched, a film whose name makes for a convenient one-word review. Stephen Dorff plays said jewel thief Ritchie Donovan, who must retrieve an ancient relic from a corporate Russian penthouse in order to settle his debts with the mob.

Botched starts out as a bad heist film, but with one swift cut, it becomes a wacky blood-spewing B-movie. A faulty lift brings the thieves and bystanders into a concrete labyrinth, which serves as the booby-trapped setting for the action. The unfortunate group of thieves and hostages includes a radio geek, a self-proclaimed “alpha male” security guard, a female corporate VP, and a trio of church ladies. All played by Irish/British actors putting on unbearably awful Russian accents, it’s a relief when the film gets more and more demented and there are less and less lines delivered.

Getting into all of the pacing issues, lack of suspense, absent emotion and terrible acting is useless here. For better or for worse, Botched does not take itself too seriously. It is a proudly absurd film, full of squishy gore and unbearable dialogue. There is a consistently uncomfortable feeling of racism toward Russians here, which is hard to overlook, no matter how many giant rubber rodents are tossed about. Botched does have its gleeful moments of ludicrousness, though this bloody mess of a film is strictly for the B-faithful.